Commemorating the Wedding Anniversary - Eldest Son Chitrapu Uday Bhaskar

February 28, 1945 seems so far away…..the first half of the last century sure is a long, long time ago but it will remain a distinctive and definitive temporal punctuation for us siblings - the day our parents to be - Chitrapu Suryanarayana Murty (aka Babu-nanna) and Chaganti Janaki were married in Mandapeta, a small mofussil town of the Godavari delta . The groom was relatively older at 29, while the petite bride was a mere 16 year old.

And strange as it may sound today, they had not met each other before their marriage but for 51 years – till Dad passed away in late 1996 – they were inseparable and deeply committed to each other in an austere and unexpressive manner that was endearing.

Looking back over the years we had with them, I can only marvel at the extraordinary stoicism, amazing generosity and innate dignity with which they lived – despite the many financial and material constraints that they had to navigate. As I approach 60 myself, there are times when I look back with some wonder when I extrapolate my current experiences – and contrast it with that of my parents. Dad’s ability to remain relatively calm and collected in the face of myriad adversities and challenges and still provide succor not just to his wife and kids but the extended family stumps me. Those childhood years with the image of Dad cycling to his office or taking us on some of the most delightful picnics – or holding me close when I was very ill and hallucinating…..this was ‘karma-yoga’ babu-nanna variant. As I try to cope with demands and pressures of a much lower order – and often skid on the proverbial banana-peel – what strikes me as amazing is our father’s ability to be intensely engaged and yet detached. Contradictory synthesis…..dialectical distillate….I cannot recall Dad ever making a big deal or talking about these issues except for the dictum: simple living and high thinking.

This truism was internalized by Dad fairly early in his own life – orphaned as he was at a very young age – and his embrace of Gandhian practice and ideology came from deep conviction. It was axiomatic that Mother would be expected to conform to this way of life – even if ‘khadi’ was not her favorite fabric! Mom however was fiercely loyal to Dad and the ribbing about the great Mahatma was only because she - Janaki empathized more with Kasturba. Gentle to the core – even when Mom chided me for fairly severe transgressions and misconduct – this quality about her remains embedded in my consciousness. Perhaps because I had gone to a boarding school at a very young age (before I was eleven) I may have received that extra dollop! Yes, many events and an intrinsic pettiness that characterizes some aspects of human behavior caused Mom deep pain and hurt – but she maintained a stiff upper lip – and maybe only her children could discern her moist eyes when she controlled the occasional tears. Being gracious and generous even when under severe pressure is a rare trait.

Between them , our parents instilled certain values in us by sheer dint of their individual conduct. The quality of personal integrity and deep purpose that animated their lives is a template that beckons….even after 65 years.